How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im holly from the hills drunk
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
