Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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