We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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