Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
