how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
