shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
