I think I died a long time ago.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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