I hate your face
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What a dumb baby whore.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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