I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
