I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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