Define "chronic" masturbator.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I need to calm my uterus...
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