Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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