i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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