one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
