it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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