I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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