Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
