i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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