do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
