dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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