oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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