'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
