The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
