I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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