Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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