So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
