I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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