She's JV to your varsity
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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