so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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