my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
