i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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