Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
