yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
