maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
