Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Two words: blizzard sex
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
