I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
