remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
