went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
