I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
