It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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