I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
