Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
