the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
