juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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