i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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