I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
