Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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