is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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