He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
