I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
